Sawasdee Shenanigans: Best Things to Do in Pattaya Without Telling Your Pastor

The Best Things to Do in Pattaya: From Sacred Temples to Sacred Hangovers

Pattaya manages the remarkable feat of catering to nearly every travel preference, budget, and moral flexibility level. From sunrise beach meditation to sunrise stumbles back to your hotel, the city delivers experiences with efficiency that would impress a German train conductor (if German trains actually ran on time).

Beach Life Beyond the Postcards

Jomtien Beach stretches 2.5 miles of golden sand just south of central Pattaya, offering a refreshing escape from the main drag’s constant hustle. Think Florida beaches but with $10 hour-long massages and $1 ice-cold beers delivered directly to your rental lounge chair ($3-5 per day). Families gravitate here for the gentler waves and slightly more PG atmosphere, though vendors selling everything from corn on the cob to wooden elephants provide constant entertainment.

For those seeking more exclusivity, Wong Amat Beach in northern Pattaya delivers cleaner waters and fewer hawkers. The beachfront here hosts high-end resorts where $150 buys you infinity pools overlooking the Gulf of Thailand and breakfast buffets that require stretchy waistbands. Meanwhile, Naklua Beach remains the local’s secret—where authentic seafood restaurants serve whole grilled fish with lime and chili for $5-8 per person in settings that Instagram influencers haven’t yet discovered.

Early mornings (before 11am) offer the optimal beach experience—before the sun reaches its skin-crisping potential and tour buses unload. Swimming requires reasonable caution; the water isn’t Caribbean-clear, but it’s perfectly safe in designated areas. Just remember that Thai beach culture embraces modest swimwear, and topless sunbathing will earn you more attention than you bargained for.

Cultural Wonders That Make Great Alibis

The Sanctuary of Truth stands as a wooden middle finger to modern construction techniques—a 350-foot tall temple built entirely without nails. This ongoing construction project (begun in 1981 and perpetually “almost finished”) showcases intricate hand-carved wooden sculptures depicting Buddhist and Hindu deities. The $16 entry fee includes a hard hat tour, which feels more ceremonial than safety-conscious. Arrive at 8am opening to avoid both crowds and midday heat that makes the non-air-conditioned structure feel like a artistic sauna.

Wat Phra Yai (Big Buddha) offers panoramic city views courtesy of its 60-foot golden Buddha perched majestically atop Pratumnak Hill. The 299 steps to reach the summit serve as both spiritual journey and unexpected cardio workout. Unlike many Thai temples with rigid dress requirements, this one provides sarongs for the underprepared, though shirts that cover shoulders remain non-negotiable. The surrounding dragon statues and smaller shrines provide perfect photo opportunities that simultaneously document your cultural engagement and impressive step count.

Pattaya Floating Market offers a sanitized yet entertaining version of traditional Thai water commerce. If Venice sold mango sticky rice and elephant pants instead of overpriced gondola rides, it might resemble this 100,000-square-meter attraction. The 100 baht ($3) entry fee grants access to four sections representing Thailand’s regions, each with distinct architectural styles and food specialties. Boat tours ($5) provide the authentic floating experience, though walking the wooden boardwalks proves equally satisfying and significantly drier.

Family Fun (Yes, Pattaya Has That Too)

Ramayana Water Park defies Pattaya’s adults-only reputation with Thailand’s largest collection of water slides and aquatic attractions. The $38 adult admission ($28 for children) delivers access to 21 slides, multiple pools, and a lazy river that’s anything but lazy when filled with enthusiastic Thai teenagers. American visitors will recognize the format but appreciate prices roughly half those of comparable U.S. water parks—plus the tropical landscaping beats chlorine-scented concrete any day.

Nong Nooch Tropical Garden sprawls across 500 acres of meticulously maintained botanical displays that would make anyone with a houseplant graveyard feel deeply inadequate. Beyond the gardens, hourly cultural performances showcase traditional Thai dance, sword fighting, and even elephant shows (though ethical travelers might skip the latter). The topiary garden features shrubs trimmed into everything from elephants to dinosaurs, creating surreal photo backdrops. Transportation from central Pattaya runs about $10 round-trip by songthaew (shared pickup taxi).

Underwater World Pattaya offers air-conditioned relief via a 100-meter tunnel showcasing 5,000 marine creatures swimming overhead and alongside visitors. The shark feeding shows draw predictable crowds, but the touch pools where children can handle starfish and harmless rays provide the real excitement. Weekday mornings see significantly smaller crowds than weekends when local schools often schedule field trips and the peaceful ambiance transforms into a cacophony of excited squeals.

Day Trips Worth the Effort

Koh Larn (Coral Island) floats tantalizingly just 4.5 miles offshore, visible from Pattaya Beach yet worlds apart in atmosphere. The 30-minute ferry ($3) or 15-minute speedboat ($15) transports visitors to beaches rivaling those of the Maldives—without requiring a second mortgage. Tawaen Beach offers full tourist infrastructure with rentals and restaurants, while Samae Beach provides a slightly more tranquil setting with fewer hawkers. Renting a motorbike ($5) to circumnavigate the small island reveals hidden coves and viewpoints free from the day-tripper crowds.

Silver Lake Vineyard presents the unexpected sight of rolling grape vines against a backdrop of tropical mountains just 30 minutes from Pattaya. While Thai wines won’t threaten France’s viticulture supremacy anytime soon, the setting alone justifies the visit. Think Napa Valley aesthetics but with occasional papaya trees interrupting the vineyard rows. The tasting room offers samples of surprisingly decent Shiraz and Chenin Blanc (5 tastings for $10), while the on-site restaurant serves Western-Thai fusion overlooking the vines.

Bang Saray, a former fishing village 20 minutes south of Pattaya, offers a glimpse of coastal Thai life before tourism arrived with its souvenir shops and bucket cocktails. The working harbor still lands fresh seafood each morning, supplying local restaurants where English menus remain optional and pointing at other diners’ plates constitutes an acceptable ordering technique. The nearby uninhabited islands can be visited via longtail boat ($20-30 for a half-day charter), offering pristine snorkeling opportunities in waters clearer than Pattaya’s.

Nightlife Navigation (The Section Your Mom Will Skip)

Walking Street’s infamous quarter-mile pedestrian zone transforms nightly from unassuming pavement to a neon-lit sensory assault that makes Times Square seem subtle. While the gogo bars and nightclubs dominate, savvy visitors find excellent seafood restaurants with ocean views at the street’s far end. Drink prices range from suspiciously cheap ($3 beers) to unexpectedly premium ($10+ cocktails), with quality generally correlating to price. The best observation spot remains the upstairs deck at Mike’s Mall, where complimentary people-watching accompanies reasonably priced drinks.

Tiffany’s Show presents world-famous cabaret performances featuring elaborate costumes, professional choreography, and lip-sync precision that would make drag competitions take notes. Despite assumptions, the shows remain surprisingly family-appropriate—focusing on stunning visual production rather than adult content. Ticket tiers ($25-40) determine seating proximity, though even the cheapest seats offer clear views of the spectacular production. Photographs with performers after the show cost extra but provide undeniable evidence of Pattaya’s more theatrical offerings.

Max Muay Thai Stadium delivers authentic Thai boxing with tournaments every evening where opponents appear genuinely intent on concussing each other. Unlike tourist-oriented exhibitions elsewhere, these represent legitimate competition, complete with traditional pre-fight rituals and gambling locals who scrutinize fighters with expertise that suggests inside knowledge. Ringside seats ($40) put visitors close enough to feel the impact, while general admission ($20) provides a safer distance from potential bodily fluid trajectories.

Accommodations for Every Moral Compass

Budget travelers find surprising value in central Pattaya, where $30-40 secures clean rooms with air conditioning, pool access, and often breakfast that extends beyond toast and instant coffee. Properties like JandA Villa offer safe, straightforward accommodations walking distance to beaches without the questionable late-night elevator encounters of cheaper establishments. Families seeking budget options should investigate Jomtien’s guesthouses, where the slightly increased distance from central Pattaya translates to significantly more wholesome surroundings.

Mid-range options ($60-120) deliver beachfront locations and resort amenities that would cost triple in Hawaii. The Pattaya Sea View Hotel exemplifies this category with multiple swimming pools, extensive breakfast buffets featuring both Western and Thai options, and ocean-view balconies where the evening sea breeze provides natural air conditioning. Room service prices remain reasonable enough that laziness comes without financial penalty.

Luxury splurges start around $150 per night, with properties like the InterContinental Pattaya Resort offering private beach access, infinity pools seemingly extending into the Gulf of Thailand, and staff-to-guest ratios approaching 1:1. The Royal Wing Suites and Spa goes further with butler service and marble bathrooms larger than many Manhattan studio apartments. Family-friendly luxury properties feature kids’ clubs with activities sufficiently engaging that parents can enjoy romantic dinners without hiring babysitters or bribing children with excessive screen time.

Practical Matters: The Fine Print

Transportation within Pattaya relies primarily on songthaews—converted pickup trucks with bench seating that follow set routes for $1-2 per ride. These blue vehicles operate on a flag-down system; simply wave one down, climb aboard, and press the buzzer when approaching your destination. Motorcycle taxis provide faster transportation for the brave, though the lack of helmets and tendency toward Formula 1 speeds should give pause to all but the most fatalistic travelers.

Money matters require attention to avoid unnecessary fees. ATMs extract painful service charges ($7+ per withdrawal) regardless of your home bank’s policies, making larger, less frequent withdrawals advisable. Currency exchange booths offer competitive rates without fees, with SuperRich locations consistently providing the best value. Bargaining remains expected at markets and with taxis, though department stores and restaurants maintain fixed pricing.

Safety considerations in Pattaya mirror those of any major tourist destination, with common sense preventing most problems. Areas to avoid after dark include isolated beaches and dimly lit side streets—advice that applies equally in Miami or Marseille. The most common scams target the inebriated or overly trusting; maintaining moderate sobriety and healthy skepticism provides adequate protection. Emergency services respond efficiently to tourist districts, with tourist police available at 1155 and speaking reasonable English.